i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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