um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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