it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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