i barfeds in our rink
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
