He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
