It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so let's talk penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
