i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
only you would photoshop your dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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