So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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