after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A+ Viking dick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
