return my video game
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
