had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
