I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just forgot I was standing up.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
