Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
