Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
