I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
