Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
