I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
