Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
