One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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