u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
