Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
