saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
