Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They have beer where we have blood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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