Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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