Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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