His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
