I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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