he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
