he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
