I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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