I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
