i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
