there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
