My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
