Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
