and you said cock pushups were impossible
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
