Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
