Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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