I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
