ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
