im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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