Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
