I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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