you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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