sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
