I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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