I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
