I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
