Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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