It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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