She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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