i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
did i just pee glitter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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