The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
