I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i drank out of a bidet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They took my balls.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
