she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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