guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
