There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
