I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
