I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize