..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think my fart just growled at me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
