I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
