Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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