You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
