Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
