alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
