he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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