Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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