apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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