She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
