Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
