I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
