i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
