So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
