the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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