i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
