my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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