Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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