Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
