She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
