The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
