I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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