I think I am morally bankrupt
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
