it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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