Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
